Life

As you can tell I've been contemplating on life. What is life about? Truly, what is MY life about? Is it all about working 13 hours a day, coming home, going to bed, and waking up to do the same ole' thing again? Is it to friviously buy things to make me happy for a fleeting moment? Is there more to life? I know there's family, friends, loved ones that enrich ones life, but I'm just talking about my purpose. I think there's so much more than truly meets the eye.

Recently I lost a close friend of mine. I haven't wanted to write about anything because it was just not the right time and I still have things that I'm working through, but I figured that writing some thoughts down might be one of the first steps to healing.

I think about my friend and her life and what she had accomplished. I think about how when we would talk, even though many months would pass since we had last spoken, every time we got a minute to talk, it was like I had just hung up with her and we were just picking up from our last conversation. She was so fun to talk to. She would laugh at my stupid jokes and some of my funny situations in life. She never thought my stories were dumb, she was just there to make me feel happy. She truly made me feel special. She would always boost me up and make me feel like I truly could do anything. I would tell her my hopes, my dreams, my insecurities, my fears and she would always come back with, "Amy you are amazing!" I felt that when she went through some troubling times that I was there for her. We would talk for hours and I was always amazed with her strength and positiveness and the trust she had in herself in making her decision in life. She could see the good in anything. Even though she was sick, she would see the positiveness of life. I remember when she told me she might have to use a wheelchair, since she was getting weak and falling. She ended up trying to exercise as much as her body would allow to try and get her strength back. With all her hard work she ended up not having to use the wheelchair and when her doctor said she only would have to use a cane, how much happier she was with that option, because she would still be mobile. She had seen some pretty dark days and I remember talking to her about her life. She knew she had to change, she knew she had bigger and better things to do. She never ever gave up. She was always trying to improve her life, either with classes at the University or wanting to try new business adventures, she always had something new up her sleeve. I was always so proud and envious of her in her ways of just "doing" something new with no fear. She was fearless.

I just want to call her and talk to her. I feel awful that I didn't get a chance to talk to her before she passed. I tried calling her a few times within the last month or so before her passing, but I never heard from her. Her husband said she was going to call me but he said, she just didn't get around to it. Either way it made me feel good that she had the intention. But I still wish I could have spoken with her, just one last time. You know? I miss her a lot.

Upon going to her funeral, I have come to the understanding of what selflessness means. I won't go into details, but I saw a woman who accepted life as it was and tried to do the best she could with what she had. She accepted, not so ideal, situations in her life and still loved her life and loved unconditionally. I will never quite understand some of her choices, but I loved her unconditionally and always stood by her decisions no matter what. I loved her, she was like my sister. And you know, things always worked out in one way or another for her.

I came to find that she had a talent in making jewelry. I had received some from her in December for Christmas but thought that it was maybe store bought. It was cool when I found, in her room, all the makings for her jewelry. It meant so much more to me, knowing she had made mine. Her husband also gave me another bracelet that she made and I adore it.

My point in writing this blog is that life is short but it is a precious, precious gift. Life needs to be lived. Life can hand us some unappealing circumstances, but we need to see the best in everything. Life is hard and can feel overbearing at times, but I find comfort that I know there is someone larger, someone more powerful that is watching over me, and I take comfort in that knowledge, wherein I can find peace.