Life

Well lately it has been extremely busy and a very emotional October. After my last entry, I was reminiscing about a poem that my Grandmother had sent me on my mission and also to welcome Fall. Well about 2 weeks later, my Grandmother passed away. It was very hard on me. I had no idea that she had been sick. Apparently she had fallen about the time that I wrote my entry and Melo and I went on a trip to New Mexico and upon our return that afternoon, my mother called me to tell me that Grandma was not doing well and that if we wanted we could go over and visit her at her home. Hospice had been helping out and they had brought a hospital bed for her to be more comfortable. They had her pretty medicated as well as she was in so much pain. Melo and I went the very next day to see her. It was very emotional. Just seeing her poor, frail little body was so hard. My cousin, Charlotte Kay had been there that day helping out giving Grandma her medications and helping her to be comfortable. Charlotte Kay told me to talk to her in her right ear, that she could hear who was there, but probably wouldn't be able to respond or talk, but she might moan or lift an eyebrow. It took me a while to feel comfortable to hold her hand and to start talking to her as I didn't want to disturb her, but my cousin said, "Amy she can hear you, talk to her." So I proceeded to grab her hand and leaned in and said, "Grandma, it's me, Amy". She started moaning a little and trying to clear her throat. It kind of scared me, but Charlotte Kay stated that she was just clearing her throat. She proceeded to give her some medication and then left Melo and I to talk to her. I told her about our trip, that I was pretty busy with work and that I was living a pretty boring life. Then I proceeded to tell her how much I loved her and that I was grateful that she was my Grandma. That I was grateful that when I was born that she took care of me that first week of my life. My Mom and Dad were surprised when the adoption agency called one day and said, "would you like a little girl?" That very same day, they ran downtown to bring me home but at the same time had a trip that they had planned with the entire family and when they got the news that I was ready to be adopted they weren't even really prepared. So they proceeded to go Disneyland, while I got to spend time with my precious Grandma and Grandpa. She truly loved me as I loved her with all my heart. I told her about that story and that we had that special bond. I know she could hear me. I just know it. Even before I started talking, I was holding her hand and talking to her in my mind and she started stirring. I knew she was there and didn't want me to be sad.

I told her that I was so sorry for not visting more, that I had no excuse and I felt awful. I know she understood. My Grandma loved, she never complained, she never judged and did enjoy a visit, but I don't think she was all caught up with that, she just wanted to hear that we were all doing okay and that we were happy. My heart hurt so bad that day. All my memories of Grandma came flourishing up, like I was still that little girl running through the field to visit her, to receive one of her yummy treats and sitting in the rocking chairs out on her patio. I will miss her greatly.

After visiting with her, I had to leave to go teach, but I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her head and told her I would see her later. I know I will.

The viewing and funeral were very nice. The evening of the viewing, I had a great time catching up with all my cousins, aunts and uncles, extended family and friends. Grandma looked beautiful. My aunt Cyndee and my other aunt fixed her hair and did her make-up. The frail, gaunt look that I saw the previous days before was gone and she had the most beautiful skin and she looked like Grandma.

The funeral was hard for me. I was almost embarrassed because I was crying like a baby. My body wouldn't stop shaking. I just really loved my Grandma. The aunts gave some beautiful talks and we all laughed at the stories they shared. The daughters also sang two beautiful songs and my aunt Barbara sang "Oh My Father". It was beautiful.

Grandma was always so fun loving and was always teasing, doing pranks on people and making you always laugh. She also was pretty fisty, but in a fun, loving way. She didn't believe in wasting time. She was a hard worker and did it with a lightheartedness and never complained.

She was also known as the "damn'it" Grandma. She did swear at times, but "damn'it" and "hell" were the winning words that would come out of her mouth. If something scared her, she would accidentally blurt those words out. We would all roar with laughter whenever she did that. She was a hoot.

I'm so happy that my Grandma is with my Grandpa again. I'm sure she is so happy and rejoicing that she is not in any more pain. I will always be grateful for her loving kindness and unconditional love. Her excitement to see and hear of all her grandchildren's experiences in life. She would talk and talk and be so excited to see you. I will never forget her yummy fudge, her rice kripy treats with chocolate chips. Her smell. Her dusters and her aprons that she would wear. Her cute dish towels that she made. Her crocheted items. Her hugs. She will never be forgotten. I love you Grandma.

Amy