I can't believe...

...it is almost time for Christmas. Where does the time go? I thought I would never utter those words in fear of sounding like my mom...and today I do. She always said to me that time would fly for me one day and that I would wake up and not know where time had gone. I feel like this year has had so many things happen, some good, some bad and that the year is almost finished. Christmas has literally snuck up on me. I'm in denial that it is this Saturday. I have received wonderful Christmas cards and I am in complete denial. I've listened to Christmas music since December 1 and I am still in complete denial. I put up my tree before the 1st of December and decorated it and I am still in denial. When will it sink in? Probably Saturday morning, huh? :)

Melo turns 42 on Thursday and I am so excited to spend the day with him. I took work off and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. We get one entire day together to do whatever he wants to do. I hope he has the best day ever! Then I get Saturday off for Christmas and I am leaping with joy. It will be a "Christmas Miracle" after all. :)

Well if I don't come back on to write on my blog in the next few days or so I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy the holiday with your friends and family.

With much love, Amy

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving was filled with a lot of firsts this year. We were planning on going to Little America to celebrate as we really didn't have any plans for dinner and all the bros and sisters were going to their in-laws and my "in-law" hasn't been feeling well and they were going somewhere for Thanksgiving. So we woke up and it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. It was great! We then had a new tradition as we jetted over to my sister's home to have "pie for breakfast"! I loved it. Since we wouldn't be eating dinner over at their home we at least wanted to see them, so she decided to have us over for pie. It was a fabulous idea! I enjoyed the pie and the company. We were going to do some volunteer work at the Greek church, but decided on the whim that we would go home and make our own dinner and bag the idea of going to the Little America. So we jetted over to Smiths...I know, I know...I was one of those shoppers that ruined a Smiths employee's Thanksgiving. I at least apologized to them. ;)

We already had a thawed turkey as we were going to make one so that we would have leftovers and we really had all the makings of a dinner. We had fresh cranberries, yams, potatoes, brussel sprouts...so we dug in and made dinner. We had some friends that didn't have any plans so they ended up joining us. We started the turkey at 3:30 and were eating by 8:00 p.m. It was the perfect day. The turkey was FABULOUS! I suggest anyone to use Ina Garten's recipe for turkey. It was great. I was so proud of myself and Melo that we could really pull it off. We watched our traditional movie.."Planes, Trains and Automobiles" and enjoyed the rest of the evening.

So it all came down that I was able to spend my day with my honey making our very own tradition. It will be a day I will never forget. I am so very thankful for Melo. He is why I live. :)

Gratefulness

I am grateful for prayer and the strength it gives me.

Life

Well lately it has been extremely busy and a very emotional October. After my last entry, I was reminiscing about a poem that my Grandmother had sent me on my mission and also to welcome Fall. Well about 2 weeks later, my Grandmother passed away. It was very hard on me. I had no idea that she had been sick. Apparently she had fallen about the time that I wrote my entry and Melo and I went on a trip to New Mexico and upon our return that afternoon, my mother called me to tell me that Grandma was not doing well and that if we wanted we could go over and visit her at her home. Hospice had been helping out and they had brought a hospital bed for her to be more comfortable. They had her pretty medicated as well as she was in so much pain. Melo and I went the very next day to see her. It was very emotional. Just seeing her poor, frail little body was so hard. My cousin, Charlotte Kay had been there that day helping out giving Grandma her medications and helping her to be comfortable. Charlotte Kay told me to talk to her in her right ear, that she could hear who was there, but probably wouldn't be able to respond or talk, but she might moan or lift an eyebrow. It took me a while to feel comfortable to hold her hand and to start talking to her as I didn't want to disturb her, but my cousin said, "Amy she can hear you, talk to her." So I proceeded to grab her hand and leaned in and said, "Grandma, it's me, Amy". She started moaning a little and trying to clear her throat. It kind of scared me, but Charlotte Kay stated that she was just clearing her throat. She proceeded to give her some medication and then left Melo and I to talk to her. I told her about our trip, that I was pretty busy with work and that I was living a pretty boring life. Then I proceeded to tell her how much I loved her and that I was grateful that she was my Grandma. That I was grateful that when I was born that she took care of me that first week of my life. My Mom and Dad were surprised when the adoption agency called one day and said, "would you like a little girl?" That very same day, they ran downtown to bring me home but at the same time had a trip that they had planned with the entire family and when they got the news that I was ready to be adopted they weren't even really prepared. So they proceeded to go Disneyland, while I got to spend time with my precious Grandma and Grandpa. She truly loved me as I loved her with all my heart. I told her about that story and that we had that special bond. I know she could hear me. I just know it. Even before I started talking, I was holding her hand and talking to her in my mind and she started stirring. I knew she was there and didn't want me to be sad.

I told her that I was so sorry for not visting more, that I had no excuse and I felt awful. I know she understood. My Grandma loved, she never complained, she never judged and did enjoy a visit, but I don't think she was all caught up with that, she just wanted to hear that we were all doing okay and that we were happy. My heart hurt so bad that day. All my memories of Grandma came flourishing up, like I was still that little girl running through the field to visit her, to receive one of her yummy treats and sitting in the rocking chairs out on her patio. I will miss her greatly.

After visiting with her, I had to leave to go teach, but I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her head and told her I would see her later. I know I will.

The viewing and funeral were very nice. The evening of the viewing, I had a great time catching up with all my cousins, aunts and uncles, extended family and friends. Grandma looked beautiful. My aunt Cyndee and my other aunt fixed her hair and did her make-up. The frail, gaunt look that I saw the previous days before was gone and she had the most beautiful skin and she looked like Grandma.

The funeral was hard for me. I was almost embarrassed because I was crying like a baby. My body wouldn't stop shaking. I just really loved my Grandma. The aunts gave some beautiful talks and we all laughed at the stories they shared. The daughters also sang two beautiful songs and my aunt Barbara sang "Oh My Father". It was beautiful.

Grandma was always so fun loving and was always teasing, doing pranks on people and making you always laugh. She also was pretty fisty, but in a fun, loving way. She didn't believe in wasting time. She was a hard worker and did it with a lightheartedness and never complained.

She was also known as the "damn'it" Grandma. She did swear at times, but "damn'it" and "hell" were the winning words that would come out of her mouth. If something scared her, she would accidentally blurt those words out. We would all roar with laughter whenever she did that. She was a hoot.

I'm so happy that my Grandma is with my Grandpa again. I'm sure she is so happy and rejoicing that she is not in any more pain. I will always be grateful for her loving kindness and unconditional love. Her excitement to see and hear of all her grandchildren's experiences in life. She would talk and talk and be so excited to see you. I will never forget her yummy fudge, her rice kripy treats with chocolate chips. Her smell. Her dusters and her aprons that she would wear. Her cute dish towels that she made. Her crocheted items. Her hugs. She will never be forgotten. I love you Grandma.

Amy

Grateful

I am grateful for my jobs. Ü

Oh Fall...why did you have to come so fast?

Well Fall has arrived. It's crazy how time has flown. It just seemed like I was planting my flowers yesterday and getting ready for summer and now it's officially over. Fall brings a new chapter in my life and I love the sense of renewal.

As this time of year approaches, I am reminded of a poem that my grandmother sent me on my mission, which is called "The Seasons of My Soul" by Helen Steiner Rice. This poem depicted how I felt at that time in my life, and it has always stuck with me. For some reason, my grandmother knew exactly when to send me that letter because it truly helped me in one of my most trying times on my mission. I love it because that particular letter means so much to me. Take a read:

The Seasons Of My Soul by: Helen Steiner Rice

Why am I cast down
And despondently sad
When I long to be happy
And joyous and glad?

Why is my heart heavy
With unfathomable weight
As I try to escape
This soul-saddened state?

I ask myself often ...
"What makes life this way,
Why is the song silenced
In the heart that was gay?"

And then, with God's help
It all becomes clear,
The "Soul" has its "Seasons"
Just the same as the year.

I, too, must pass through
Life's autumn of dying,
A desolate period
Of heart-hurt and crying.

Followed by winter
In whose frostbitten hand
My heart is as frozen
As the snow-covered land.

Yes, man too must pass
Through the seasons God sends,
Content in the knowledge
That everything ends.

And, Oh! What a blessing
To know there are reasons
And to find that our soul
Must, too, have it's seasons.

"Bounteous Seasons"
And "Barren Ones," too.
Times for rejoicing
And times to be blue.

But meeting these seasons
Of dark desolation
With strength that
is born Of anticipation

That comes from knowing
That "autumn-time sadness"
Will surely be followed by a
"Springtime of Gladness."


How I love this poem.

I have always loved the fall. And even though this poem gives a feeling that autumn is a time of sadness..I feel the opposite. The clean, crisp air makes me happy. I absolutely love leaving the windows open at night and feeling that chill; pulling out the blankets and snuggling in bed. I love putting away my summer clothes and pulling out my fall sweaters. I know, I know, that we are still in the mid 80's and I shouldn't get ahead of myself, but I feel excitment as the season is changing.

Life has been pretty busy lately, but what's new? I have started teaching more and my studio is up to 5 students. :) Hopefuly in the next couple of weeks I will be adding three more to the bunch. :) My goal is to obtain 10 students and cap there. We'll see what the future brings. However, I am very grateful that I have the opportunity to teach all my students and find it a privilege and honor to be a part of their lives.

Lately, we (Melo and I) have been anxiously awaiting to hear some great news, as in a job offer for Melo. He has put it out to the universe, and I am in full belief that he will find something very, very soon. I am keeping my fingers crossed and have a continual prayer in my heart that he may find work and get the opportunity to do what he has always dreamnt of. Dreams do come true, don't ya know? As soon as I hear word, you'll be the first to know.

Last weekend we had alot of fun, as my Mom and Dad hosted the "last" cookout with the whole family. We had so much yummy food and just visited. The evening was sublime. We played a little croquet and I loved catching up with my siblings. I truly miss all of them. I know we are all so busy, but I know I need to make them a priority in my life. Hopefully I can work on it more. We also attended the State Fair and the Carmelite Fair and it was a fantastic weekend.

Melo has also been such a busy bee lately. He actually has been putting together a 72-hour kit for us, just in case of an emergency. He has taken all the initiative and it has been so cool to see him be so organized. He is getting us so prepared and his concern for us has been such a blessing to me. Without him, I truly wouldn't know what I would do. Although, he sometimes gets on my nerves, he truly is "mi media naranja". I'm truly grateful for him and all that he does for me and I appreciate his true patience with me.

As we are approaching the season of gratefulness; my goal is to write down one thing that I am grateful for each day until the end of the year. I am in hopes that I can truly find what is important to me and to full heartedly be grateful for all that I have. So here goes my first one:

I am grateful for Melo, because he always makes me the best meals ever, and never complains.

Well until next time. :)

Life

As you can tell I've been contemplating on life. What is life about? Truly, what is MY life about? Is it all about working 13 hours a day, coming home, going to bed, and waking up to do the same ole' thing again? Is it to friviously buy things to make me happy for a fleeting moment? Is there more to life? I know there's family, friends, loved ones that enrich ones life, but I'm just talking about my purpose. I think there's so much more than truly meets the eye.

Recently I lost a close friend of mine. I haven't wanted to write about anything because it was just not the right time and I still have things that I'm working through, but I figured that writing some thoughts down might be one of the first steps to healing.

I think about my friend and her life and what she had accomplished. I think about how when we would talk, even though many months would pass since we had last spoken, every time we got a minute to talk, it was like I had just hung up with her and we were just picking up from our last conversation. She was so fun to talk to. She would laugh at my stupid jokes and some of my funny situations in life. She never thought my stories were dumb, she was just there to make me feel happy. She truly made me feel special. She would always boost me up and make me feel like I truly could do anything. I would tell her my hopes, my dreams, my insecurities, my fears and she would always come back with, "Amy you are amazing!" I felt that when she went through some troubling times that I was there for her. We would talk for hours and I was always amazed with her strength and positiveness and the trust she had in herself in making her decision in life. She could see the good in anything. Even though she was sick, she would see the positiveness of life. I remember when she told me she might have to use a wheelchair, since she was getting weak and falling. She ended up trying to exercise as much as her body would allow to try and get her strength back. With all her hard work she ended up not having to use the wheelchair and when her doctor said she only would have to use a cane, how much happier she was with that option, because she would still be mobile. She had seen some pretty dark days and I remember talking to her about her life. She knew she had to change, she knew she had bigger and better things to do. She never ever gave up. She was always trying to improve her life, either with classes at the University or wanting to try new business adventures, she always had something new up her sleeve. I was always so proud and envious of her in her ways of just "doing" something new with no fear. She was fearless.

I just want to call her and talk to her. I feel awful that I didn't get a chance to talk to her before she passed. I tried calling her a few times within the last month or so before her passing, but I never heard from her. Her husband said she was going to call me but he said, she just didn't get around to it. Either way it made me feel good that she had the intention. But I still wish I could have spoken with her, just one last time. You know? I miss her a lot.

Upon going to her funeral, I have come to the understanding of what selflessness means. I won't go into details, but I saw a woman who accepted life as it was and tried to do the best she could with what she had. She accepted, not so ideal, situations in her life and still loved her life and loved unconditionally. I will never quite understand some of her choices, but I loved her unconditionally and always stood by her decisions no matter what. I loved her, she was like my sister. And you know, things always worked out in one way or another for her.

I came to find that she had a talent in making jewelry. I had received some from her in December for Christmas but thought that it was maybe store bought. It was cool when I found, in her room, all the makings for her jewelry. It meant so much more to me, knowing she had made mine. Her husband also gave me another bracelet that she made and I adore it.

My point in writing this blog is that life is short but it is a precious, precious gift. Life needs to be lived. Life can hand us some unappealing circumstances, but we need to see the best in everything. Life is hard and can feel overbearing at times, but I find comfort that I know there is someone larger, someone more powerful that is watching over me, and I take comfort in that knowledge, wherein I can find peace.